


satellite heart

by romanticallybroken



Series: don't you mourn the sun [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Ashton died, I Needed To Vent, I cried while writing this, I'm Sorry, I'm so sorry, Luke can't let go, Luke is disabled, Luke is suicidal, M/M, Major Character Death X 2, Please Don't Hate Me, The song made me cry 10 times more, There's talk of death, This is how I vent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-14
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-03-23 15:17:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3773101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticallybroken/pseuds/romanticallybroken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>everyone dies.</p><p>sometimes sooner than later.</p>
            </blockquote>





	satellite heart

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so sorry if this makes anyone cry because i know i balled my eyes out when i wrote this. 
> 
> i literally couldn't stop crying
> 
> if this has grammatical/spelling errors i'll come back and fix them.

_So pretty_ __  
So smart  
Such a waste of a young heart

Luke remembered it like it was yesterday; driving down an icy road in the middle of Winter, with the one he truly loved the most.

 

“Why did it have to be you” he spoke outloud, seemingly to himself; but he was actually talking to Ashton.

 

The one who was gone.

 

_What a pity_

_What a shame_

_What’s the matter with you, man?_

Ashton was sitting in the passenger seat next to him, talking excitedly about how a dolphin who had recently been brought in was responding well to treatment and was almost healthy enough to be trained.

 

“He’s doing so well Luke, I’m so proud of him. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more proud of a _creature,_ babe, literally never.”

 

And as Luke turned his head to look at Ashton, there was a screech of wheels, and then everything went slowly. He saw his lover’s eyes open in sudden shock, and for a split second he saw a glimmer of recognition shimmer in hazel-brown eyes.

 

Luke was hit first, the impact crushed him into his seat, and before he blacked out from the pain he felt a brush of fingers on his arm and the quiet whipser of, “I love you.”

 

 _Don't you see it's wrong_ __  
Can't you get it right?  
Out of mind and outta sight

Tears were falling freely from Luke’s eyes, diluting down his cheeks and streaking onto the pale blue fabric of his shirt. The image of Ashton would constantly repeat in his head, almost _tormenting_ him.

 

Sometimes he dreamt of it it; which was _so much worse._ Because it felt real and he couldn’t do anything to stop it and oh how he _wished,_ he really wished he could have saved them.

 

_Call on all your girls, don't forget the boys_ _  
Put a lid on all that noise_

 

His friends had tried to contact him, but he just kept his phone off because, _why_ , why should _he_ be drowned in sympathy when it was _Ashton_ who died. Not him. He didn’t need their sympathy, he needed Ashton.

 

_I'm a satellite heart_ _  
Lost in the dark_

 

 He felt lost without Ashton, who was like a fucking _beacon of light_ in his life, the only good thing that had happened or _would ever happen_ to him.

 

 _I'm spun out so far_ __  
  


He _didn’t want nor could he live without_ Ashton. It was a constant reminder, as was the scar running along his stomach from the accident.

 

He just couldn’t bare the thought of existing without the very thing that he _existed for._

_You stop, I start_

_But I’ll be true to you_

_I hear you're living out of state, running in a whole new scene_

He would follow Ashton anywhere; to the ends of the earth or to the depth of oblivion.

_  
You know I haven't slept in weeks, you're the only thing I see_

The lack of sleep didn’t bother him anymore. The memories of Ashton did.

 

 _I'm a satellite heart_ __  
Lost in the dark  
I'm spun out so far

That’s why, after he thought about it long and hard, he picked up a pen and a paper, and began writing letters. He wrote letters to everyone he ever knew.

 

Except for Ashton.

 __  
You stop, I start  
But I'll be true to you

 

He didn’t need to write anything to Ashton, because soon, _soon he would be put out of his_ bloody misery and would be free of haunting.

 

The memories, dreams, nightmares… would all be gone.

 

**_He didn’t want to hurt anymore._ **

****

**_He didn’t want to be paralyzed._ **

_I'm a satellite heart_ __  
Lost in the dark  
I'm spun out so far

**_He didn’t want to feel._ **

_You stop, I start_ _  
But I'll be true to you_

**_He didn’t want to be without the love of his life._ **

_No matter what you do_

**_And now he simply didn’t want to be._ **

 

_Yeah, I’ll be true to you._

 

 


End file.
